Paul Gilbert's approach for working with shame and inner self-criticism — where ordinary cognitive techniques do not work.
A familiar situation: a person understands perfectly well that the thought “I am worthless” is illogical. They can produce arguments against it. And they still feel exactly the same.
The reason is that logical refutation works at the level of the content of the thought, while shame and self-criticism live at the level of the emotional system. Knowing that you are not worthless and feeling differently are two different tasks.
CFT works on the second.
The approach rests on the idea of three emotional systems:
In a person with chronic self-criticism the first two systems are hyperactive and the third is barely developed: they know how to be frightened and how to strive, but not how to soothe themselves. The task of therapy is to develop the third system, not to silence the first two.
Understanding rather than blame. The first step is to see that self-criticism arose not because you are bad but as a protective mechanism formed in particular conditions. It was functional and it simply carries on working.
Developing a compassionate attitude towards yourself. Practices in which the capacity to address yourself the way you address someone close to you in a difficult moment is gradually formed. This is a trainable skill, not a character trait.
Working with the fear of compassion. A separate and important part. For many people, kindness towards themselves feels dangerous: “I will relax and lose everything”, “I do not deserve it”, “if I stop driving myself, nothing will happen”. These fears are put into words and tested.
Working with shame. Shame makes people hide and isolate themselves, and isolation intensifies shame. CFT breaks that circle.
When a person says: “I understand everything, but I still hate myself.” When achievements bring no relief. When any mistake is taken as confirmation of being defective.
Self-compassion is not an excuse and not a lowering of standards. Research shows the opposite: people capable of self-compassion tolerate failure better and return to work after it more easily. Harsh self-criticism motivates less well than is commonly supposed.
If you are a practitioner and want to add this method to your work, the centre runs programmes where it is taught.
Systematic training in cognitive behavioural therapy: 13 modules that take you from methodology and assessment through to independent case work under supervision.
Write to us — a coordinator will clarify what you need and suggest a therapist who works in this approach.
